Techniques and Counseling
for Adoptive Families
to talk to an assistant
I am a professional
nurse with years of experience in
managing special needs children who have mental disabilities,
autism and developmental delays. I also worked in a challenging
behaviour unit with teenagers and young adults and I worked
as a respite coordinator and organized respites for children
I am the mother of two internationally adopted children
with disabilities and I understand and have first hand experience
with the behavioural problems you are facing. I live and
work with my kids in Sweden and can help you with developing
the right skills to set the needed structure and healthy
relations with your kids, to regulate communications and
help your post-institutional child to fit into your family.
I speak Dutch and English
languages to communicate with you efficiently.
I understand your
worries for the future and the uncertainty that comes with
parenting a disabled child. If you need a practical day
to day advice, I will help you to find solutions that work
for your family. But remember your child's behaviours did
not start yesterday and they are unlikely be
solved tomorrow. There are no shortcuts when it comes to
parenting traumatized children, but with patience and perseverance
good results can still be achieved.
I can advise you which
activities to allow and which to avoid in the early days.
I can help you structure
the day so that life for the child becomes more predictable;
this reduces anxiety in the child and makes it easier to
parent them, preventing or reducing challenging behaviours.
I can advise you how
react on your child's behaviour so you help them to control
I can help you to negotiate
your child's needy behaviours with your own needs, as they
important as well. You are no good to the child if you feel
totally run down, and remember:
you are there for the long run. I do not suggest that you
call a friend and chat for an hour when
the child is awake, but you should be able to call a plumber
without being distracted. As a single parent, I need to
take care of myself as well of the needs of my children;
you too can create moments in the day where you can do your
own things, even with the child present.
The child needs to
learn to trust the parent that there will be food every
day. Sometimes there are
sensory issues that underlie problems with eating, thus
before starting a management plan, any
medical cause needs to be ruled out. Children who steal
and store food need very close supervision;
this might even include locking food away until the child
feels safer, is more settled and has learned
that there is no need in saving food. Healthy snacks should
be available for the child to learn to ask:
seeing that food is available is comforting for children
who have fear it might run out.
Not all consequences
make sense to the child and the child can learn from them.
We should use natural consequences whenever possible. It
is best when the child's choice becomes the consequence.
He does not want to wear a jacket? The natural consequence
is being cold. I can
help you to transfer this principle to other situations.
It is a
post-orphanage behaviour that is often deeply ingrained.
Asking those children "Have you stolen that?" is setting
them up for lie. A combination of social stories, prevention
and consequences can be helpful. The course of action also
depends as on the child's emotional maturity.
Together we can look at the approach which is likely to
be most successful.
help you to spot the very early signs of aggression and
how to prevent it escalating, so you do not make it worse
by your own actions.
How does the counseling
for your consultation with Jeltje Simons using PayPal or
The initial consultation payment
($90US) covers 45 min. that include 15 min. of counselor's
preparation (reading your documents, descriptions, concerns,
etc.) and 30 min. of actual discussion.
If you believe that you will need more time
with your counselor, or it's not the initial consultation
but a continuation of your ongoing conversation, you can
buy additional time ($25US) - in 15 min. increments
using the button below.
All unused time will
be reimbursed to you or saved for the next session as per
Please note that the receipt
that PayPal issues as a result of each transaction is a
financial document - it will not be accepted by your insurance
as a medical claim.
Counseling is not a psychotherapy,
its goal is very practical: help you find a working approach
for resolving day-to-day issues similar to those described
above. It's a practical advice on how to handle one hurdle
at a time in your specific situation. To initiate a counseling
session with Jeltje Simons, you will need to do the following:
Send an email message to Ms Simons at firstname.lastname@example.org
briefly describing the issues with your child and indicating
- What is your child's age and sex?
- How long has your child been home?
- Does your child have any known special needs?
Please specify, if any.
- Please describe a typical day.
- Which problems are you experiencing when
parenting your child?
- What have you done to prevent those problems
- What's the best part of the day for you to
have a consultation and if you would like to call on the
phone (to Sweden) or Skype?
You will get a reply from Ms Simons within 3 business days
with 2 possible time segments to select for your initial consultation.
Confirm the selected time segment.
Pay for the initial consultation by PayPal (see above)
and call Ms Simons on the phone or Skype, as arranged. to
discuss her suggestions on how to approach the problem.