Preparedness: Clear understanding of what
you are getting into and why you are adopting.
Commitment to the child: You have to be
willing and capable of loving a needy and difficult child unconditionally.
You have to be willing to let go of the day before and open your heart
again the next day and reach out to your child. You also have to be
able to love without fully liking your child. Meaning, you need to
show love and compassion, even though you don't like your child's
behaviors.
Patience: You must prepare emotionally
for the fact that your adopted child will take longer to express/display
affection to the parents, much longer that one hopes/fantasizes. You
need to understand that your child will do very well and then regress,
and it is not all black and white. Nothing is fully spelled out for
you.
Ability to create a support system: You
must have some support people whom you can contact to talk about frustrations
and fears. In the beginning stages of getting the child settled in
the US it's very easy to the parents to feel they have made a mistake
-- or this child is not for them.
Perseverance: You need to have faith, passion
and determination to succeed (stubbornness) and belief that you will
(optimism).
Advocacy: Unwillingness to settle for basic
answers, investigatory skills to ferret out non-traditional solutions
to complex problems (thinking "out of the box"). Do research,
have independent evaluations done, and then insist that your child
get what he/she needs.
The want and will to parent: Some single
mothers look into adoption as a way to fill a void in their lives
and they treat their newly adopted child (usually a daughter) as a
companion. They tend to treat the child as their equal, their sidekick,
rather than their child. This can be detrimental to the one who has
not experienced a true parental bond or does not understand parental
authority. You need to develop a parent/child relationship with this
child.
Stamina: You can't be a very laid back
parent, who discovers undesirable behavioral characteristics in the
child, but doesn't address them. Such parents accept that the child
has undesirable behaviors, but aren't willing to do what it takes
in the home to address them. It is the parents' job to help the children
overcome their issues and to develop their child's character so they
feel their child will be able to function in the society of their
family first and then in public society. Many parents complain about
the child's issues, go to weekly therapy sessions, etc...but all the
therapy in the world will not change the child's behaviors unless
the parents do something to make consistent changes in the child's
home and environment.
Sense of humor and a little money don't hurt.