Part II. After adoption: Helping your child settle in

  Unit 3. Building the family together and resolving emotional issues

Some children will demonstrate separation anxiety and be extremely clingy, demanding and highly distressed when you leave them or you are out of their sight. An anxious child can be exhausting. Recognize that these are children that have never had a reliable caretaker and do not have that secure base that will evolve from their relationship with you. Respond to their need for reassurance and predictability. Let them know each day what the schedule will be, reassure them of your return, carefully prepare them for any changes in the routine. If you must leave the house for a while, give them something of yours to hold on to until your return. Allow their relationship with you to be a bridge to other relationships. Although sometimes very painful and difficult, do not allow their anxiety to hold you prisoner. They will not die if they become distressed at your departure. If done sensitively, it will help them learn of your reliability.

Simple interventions that you wouldn't think were even necessary will help such as: "Mama is going to the bathroom. I will be right back. If you need to be near me, you can be outside the door." "Mama is going to the grocery store. You are going to stay home with daddy. Will you hold my keys until I get back."