Been there, done that!

Newsletter #80 for Internationally Adopting Parents
January 17, 2008
PAL Center Inc.

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Dr. Gindis answers a parent's question about what to do if the child rejects the other parent

The situation with your daughter's preferences is not so rear and in the majority of cases will disappear eventually if you 1) work on it and 2) do not take it personally. Your child is only several month with you and never experienced a father figure in her life before adoption. Given the fact that even biological children have some sort of preferences with the parents (and during their growth these preferences often change), it's not a surprise that your daughter displays such behaviors. Orphanage children learn to manipulate their environment very early (their life depends on it!), and your daughter exhibits such behavior when she does well with her father in your absence.
Behaviors change slowly, and the children need practice the new patterns of behavior. Keep working on closer ties without forcing the child into anything, rather "provide" her with the appropriate situations when she does not have a choice between parents, stays with the father and experiences positive emotions in the process. For ex.: when she does something with her Daddy, she gets a present from him for something she did well (like using potty, etc. - not for agreeing to be with him).
Let the father employ the activities listed in the article Activities to Promote Healthy Development and later (after 3), the activities described in SmartStart: Home-Based Cognitive and Language Remediation Program for Internationally Adopted Children. These activities are designed to promote bonding and attachment along with cognitive development of a child.

You receive this newsletter
as a former client or correspondent
of the Center for Cognitive-Developmental
Assessment & Remediation,
or a former student
of the BGCenter Online School,
or a user of the International Adoption Articles Directory.

Copyright@2006-2008

Latest Articles
from the
International Adoption Articles Directory

New Articles

Been there, done that!

Deborah Mumm
Just Imagine---A Russian Adoption
Can you imagine what it must be like to adopt a child from Russia? On the other side of the world millions of children live in old orphanages with no family to call their own. If you think you might like to be one of those lucky families that can take an orphaned child into your family, then you might want to read what it feels like to live through a Russian adoption.

Deborah Mumm
Coping with the Newly Adopted Child
You spend months or years planning for this child. The paperwork and waiting is finally over. Your child is home! But reality of all this will rear its ugly head when day to day parenting takes over. Your child refuses to sleep. They misbehave in public. He has frequent temper tantrums. Suddenly the responsibility of taking care of this new child seems overwhelming. What are some steps you can take to help you cope?

Published by Chris Robertson
A Woman's Guide to Traveling with Babies
Traveling with babies can be daunting, but it doesn't have to be a nightmare. When you plan ahead, you can succeed in taking care of both your baby and yourself.

Published by Chris Robertson
The Three-Ring Circus: 5 Tips for Single Moms Who Work
If you're a single mom who works, you probably don't have a lot of time to read, so let's get right to the point. In addition to your salaried work, you're a chauffeur, a nurse, a psychotherapist, and an educator. It's as though you're not only the ringleader of your family, but you're also the master juggler (of schedules), the tightrope walker (of finances), the lion tamer (of behavior), and the trapeze artist (as you swing from home to work and back again). Here are five tips to help you keep your sanity when the circus takes up permanent residence in your household.

From the Internet and our database

Steve G.
A Dad's Journey Through International Adoption
The point of this blog was my (a man's) view of our journey through international adoption to get our first child. And to that end we successfully achieved our goal. It is important to remember that nothing in life is easy. And the adoption process (both domestically and internationally) is extremely difficult emotionally and taxing on ones mental health. My advice to anyone getting into the process is simple...

Terra Trevor
Surviving The Emotional Roller Coaster During The Adoption Process
You are waiting to adopt a child, and your heart is soaring like an eagle. You want to let yourself feel joyful and get busy preparing for the new life that will one day join yours, but caution holds you back, especially if you plan to adopt Internationally with the recent closing and slowing down of so many programs. Do you go ahead and share your adoption plans with friends and family? Or, are you afraid premature celebration might jinx the outcome?