Newsletter #25 for Internationally Adopting Parents
July 16, 2006
PAL Center Inc.

In this issue

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You receive this newsletter as a former client or correspondent of the Center for Cognitive-Developmental Assessment & Remediation, or a former student of the Bgcenter Online School, or a user of the International Adoption Articles Directory.


Latest Articles
from the

International Adoption Articles Directory

Robert K. Crabtree, Esq.
Mistakes People Make in the Special Education Process
Part 4 – Mistakes Made by Advocates
In other articles of this series I have discussed some common mistakes parents and school systems make that tend to undermine the system’s ability to respond effectively to a child’s special education needs. In this piece I turn to the more serious mistakes that parent advocates sometimes make with equally detrimental effects.

Harry Johnson
Are You Setting Limits for Your Teen?
Most teens claim not to want limits, but, deep down, they really do. Parents need to decide and agree upon the limits that are absolute - what they expect their teenager to do or not to do - and make these very clear to the teen, with an understanding of what the consequences will be if these limits are not respected. At the same time, teenagers need an increasing amount of autonomy and decision-making power.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Am I Fat?
Most husbands would agree that to hear that question from their wife is akin to being asked to boil oneself in oil. However, what about when a child asks or needs to be informed?

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
When isn’t child sex play just sex play?
Childhood sex play is an often-misunderstood issue. Misunderstanding tends to come from adult concerns and lack of understanding. Certain forms of child sex play are to be expected, others are not.

From our database

Working on the relationship with your child

We assume the concept of family is positive and forever. Adopting a child who has had a limited experience with family is an opportunity to model what a constant, healthy, safe and nurturing family life can look like. Adopting a child with a history of dysfunctional family is adopting the task of introducing them and teaching them about family life: how to trust, how to show and receive affection; how to communicate and handle conflict; the importance of reciprocity and considering others, working together, relying on each other, the constancy of family. You will not be teaching them about just any family, you will be teaching them about yours. Post adoption you will also be developing a new family style, one that includes and incorporates them. It takes time to accomplish that, integrate your individual histories, and develop a mutual history together.

It is true, some orphanages are horrible places. But some aren't and, keep in mind the fact that for many, it may be all they have ever known. Or, the orphanage may be a haven compared to what they lived with before. Add to that the reality that no one is really asking them, "How do you feel about this?" so they may not even consider it unusual.

From your frame of reference, you may not be able to imagine what it would be like to live in an orphanage. Many believe they are rescuing their child from terrible circumstances. That may be so. But some children may be quite happy in their orphanage and have close friends, caring teachers and a comfortable and predictable life. That means leaving will trigger some grief and loss, maybe even profound. Don't take it personally. Be glad that your child was connected enough and cared for enough to miss things and people that were an integral part of their lives before you. It is important not to underestimate the reality and presence of relationships and influences that you were not a part of.

From the Bgcenter Online School Course JSBG2 (Coming Soon)
- Adopting older children internationally:
making a decision and coping with post-adoption difficulties

Deanna Mascle
Do You Show Your Love To Your Child?
Kids are all about show. As a parent you know this. We have to demonstrate and lead our children by the hand through every lesson--both big and small. So why do we so often think it is enough to simply tell our children that we love them? It isn't enough. Love is the biggest show-and-tell of them all and you need to make it a part of your every day life.

Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D.
Temperament refers to enduring traits of a person’s approach to the world. These dimensions are found in all children across cultures. A child’s temperament is a core element of the child’s personality. Since it is unchangeable, understanding temperament is essential to knowing how to approach your child. What may appear to be a problem may actually be a mismatch between your temperament and that of your child.


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