A:
RAD probably is overly diagnosed. Every child
and every parent will have some adjustments to make in the bonding
process. The adjustments will vary for each child and parent,
as personalities differ. How quickly, or how smoothly, or if they
will at all move through the process of attaching is as variable
as the number of children who are adopted. Every child brings
his or her own experience to the process, so each child will have
a different attaching experience even were they all attaching
to the exact same person. The reason that some children, who have
been here a number of years, are just now being diagnosed with
attachment issues is basically threefold. First, it may take years
of slow progression toward attachment to finally realize that
movement has ceased or is so slow as to be no longer discernible.
Again, there are innumerable reasons for this to be apparent years
later: increased facility of language, cessation of other major
life issues, which seemed to have been complicating attachment
(learning disabilities, depression, physical problems, etc.),
completion of therapies, etc. Second, the child may have hit a
new milestone, or life crisis, or level of awareness, which effectively
"raises the bar" so high that there is a setback within
family relationships. This could be frustration with new academic
milestones that can't be easily mastered. It could be a flood
of new hormones with the onset of puberty, it could be an issue
within the family that causes the child to "relive"
the trauma of previous abandonment or abuse. Again, there are
any number of these variables. Third and maybe most important,
there is an increasing awareness within the psychological and
medical communities about the issues of attachment. With that
awareness and knowledge of symptoms, more and more psychologists,
psychiatrists, and pediatricians will be identifying and qualifying
symptoms as attachment issues and suggesting that we, as parents,
seek out treatment for these issues. Now, that doesn't necessarily
mean that our children are suddenly unattached after years of
fairly normal family dynamics. It does mean that we do need to
"revisit" some issues that may not have been entirely
resolved, because they were buried in the back of the closet until
present.
There are IA children, who are so damaged when they are adopted
that they are completely unable to make any kind of connection
to a primary caretaker. But most of the time, the issues are somewhere
between there and secure attachment. Like lots of things, it's
a question of degrees. Some may never be able to overcome the
trauma, but many do, although probably not without a good fight,
dedication, and support. Educate yourself, do your best, know
your limitations, and be prepared to work hard in case you need
to.
